There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Enjoy the penises
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
