just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
