Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
