My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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