i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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