Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
