We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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