so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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