Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
