I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
