You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
