I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
