found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
