Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
