He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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