You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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