Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
