We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
