Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
two words: eviction party
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
being pregnant is like rehab
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
