i already hear my dad disowning me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
