the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
