Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
and you fell through a lawn chair
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
