Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
