I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
