Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And then he peed in my hair
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