Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
