my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My pussy is not your playground.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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