that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize