Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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