My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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