Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
