and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
