I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
not ubering you a puppy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
