Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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