Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
