that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
