you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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