He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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