don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
