Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
