Porn is love you can see.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
