Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
