I skipped work to stalk him.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
