I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
