Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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