I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
