He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
