Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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