when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
