So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
