It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
