you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
