I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people are normalizing furries
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize