My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
