Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
