i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
