absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
