Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
