went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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