I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Couch. On fire.
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